Oh, Marlene..

Marlene Dietrich said, 'I do not think we have a right to happiness. If happiness happens, say thanks'. As much as I love you, I totally disagree, sorry Marlene! 

We all deserve happiness, don't we? We weren't just put on this earth to work ourselves to death, ensuring large profits for fat cats who pay lip service when it comes to caring about our welfare!

As I write this I hear Maggie Thatcher's voice booming out with her ''children who need to be taught traditional moral values are being taught they have an inalienable right to be gay''. You were right in one thing, Thatcher, children were being ''cheated of a sound start in life- yes cheated''. You made sure of that with your homophobic Section 28. You made sure that I was a confused teenager and that this confusion went into my 20s...even late 20s... You made sure that I was so confused at not being interested in boys when the other kids would talk about who they had kissed and who they fancied. You made me hide when the first lesbian kiss was shown on TV when I was 15... Hide because I liked it and I felt shy about liking it and I didn't want my parents or friends to know, because what was this life? Was it even an ''option''? I didn't know. I couldn't comprehend it. I knew I was different to most, which is probably why I was bullied throughout school. No one talked about the prospect of gay relationships. Sex education focussed on not getting pregnant and not catching aids (the less said about the awful aids advert with the big rock, the better!) and STIs. It didn't tell us that we had the right to find true love and that love is love no matter what. 

The light didn't ping for me until I was 28, and by that time I had gone down society's expected norm and got married to a man...even though I knew, when I was walking down the aisle (and in the run up), that it wasn't right. But why wasn't it right? I continued to cause arguments just so that he would sleep in another bed to me. I didn't want to be touched by him in any way. I didn't know why. I just knew that I didn't want sex with him or even affection.  Just 6 months to a year later, I developed a crush, and although nothing happened, I am ever so grateful to her, and it was a genuine lightbulb moment. Ah-ha! That is what it is! Ok, so what to do now? I had no clue. Yes, we had the internet but it isn't like it is now (I mean Section 28 was only repealed in 2003..and we still saw headlines of the likes of ''gay judge..'' like his sexuality had anything to do with his job!). I found a site called, 'Gaydar Girls', just to chat to other women and I ordered three dvds- Sugar Rush (a whole series set in Brighton about a lesbian), Imagine Me and You, and Kissing Jessica Stein. I quickly had two dates with women lined up. I knew that I preferred older but one of them was younger and convinced me to meet her. By this time I was almost 30 and she turned out to have lied about her age and was only 24. We had a nice evening out but I told her that it wouldn't work. The day after, I had a date with a human rights lawyer; I will call her Diane for the purposes of this blog, who was 11 years older. The first date was in The Shakespeare's Head in Soho, not far from where I was working. It seemed to go very well. We agreed on a second date- a sushi restaurant in Hampstead, apparently not far from where Diane lived. This date was the total opposite of the first. She cried on my shoulder about a woman she was in love with but who was married to a man and the woman loved her but she wasn't sure what the future held etc. Then she spoke about money a lot. And for someone who was a human rights lawyer it jarred! Especially when she pointed out her little blue car later and then said, ''I have another one at home. It's a (can't remember, but a posh one)... but I don't drive it often as people stare.'' I knew then that she wasn't for me, and just add that I clearly wasn't for her as not long after the woman she was crying over, let’s call her Kate, left her husband and moved in with Diane and her daughter. 

But how did I fit into this gay and lesbian world..? When I went to a gay bar or two with one of my good (but straight) friends, I just didn't feel like I fitted. It smelled and I didn't look anything like the women in there... I joined another couple of dating sites and met a woman who became my first girlfriend. Realising you are gay later in life, for me, was like being a teenager again and I guess that I got caught up in it all that I ignored all of the red flags and ended up in a relationship with a bully- a narcissist who also became physically violent, regularly, from about 12 months in. The verbal stuff started about 6 months in. It took me till 2012 to get out of that house and that relationship. London is an expensive place and I just didn't have enough money for a month's rent in advance plus a deposit...then I got a particular job, which I say saved my life, as her violence had continued to get worse, as my first pay packet enabled me to move and rent a room in a woman's flat- even if it did take all of my pay!

I escaped that relationship largely unscathed- or so I thought, anyway. Until about a year later, having moved back up north six months after leaving her- due to my landlady turning the flat into a Chinese warehouse (that's another story!), when I had, what I later realised, was a panic attack in the middle of Home Sense in The Arndale. 

I had a lot of interest from women but I preferred to be alone for a while. I have never been one of those who have to be with someone as lovely as it is when you are with someone who truly cares. Later, I began a relationship with a friend (we had shared a kiss a few years earlier but neither of us thought the other was interested- again women and not wanting to speak up. That is another story) and by this time it was a long distance relationship due to her still being in London and then moving back to Ireland, due to her long term illness. It didn't last long as due to her debilitating illness and disability, she didn't feel she could commit to a relationship now that she couldn't really travel any more. It's all good though, after a brief fall out because she chose to email me instead of speaking to me when I had only just come back from spending a week with her, we are friends these days, once again. After this, I chose to have another break from women and dating. Then I ''saw'' someone for a few months but it was never proper, before beginning on the dating apps and meeting a myriad of strange (not in a good way) women, including one who was a scary stalker.. The whole of that year was like a comedy show. Some of the things that I could write here (another time!) would make you wonder if it was fiction! Trust me, it's all true and for an actor and a creative, it's excellent material! Dating has never been easy, of course it hasn't. I'm sure that many would agree. And now I find myself in another difficult situation, and for once in my life I am following my heart and allowing it to guide me on my next journey to happiness and contentment. I am putting myself first. So yeah, Marlene, I am afraid that I do disagree. We all have a right to experience happiness, for as long as it lasts, which we all hope will be forever. 

So there you have it. Not as light-hearted as usual, but I hope just as intriguing! 

Love a Real Northern Hermia x

Do the Limbo Dance!

‘Limbo cool, limbo fine

Ev’rybody gets a chance

Clap your hands it’s party time

Do the limbo dance’.

Yeah, thanks, David!

Have you ever had to hold yourself in a fixed position? An awkward position for too long and found yourself stuck? I’m not counting when we were all bendy kids, but as an adult I mean? It hurts, doesn’t it?! You can’t just jump upright. You can’t focus, you have a permanent headache, you can’t eat or drink. And you feel ‘’ready for the knackers yard’’, as our Elsie used to say! And yet when those fingers snap, we have to be ready to do a full on tap dance down the street with our heads in tact firing on all cylinders. 

Growing up, I was told to ''Be realistic''. In fact I remember the career woman who came into high school: ''What do you want to do for a career?'' Me, ''I want to act''. Her, ''You're from Preston, be realistic. What do you really want to do?'' Me, ''I just told you. I want to act''! She wasn't alone. In my experience it was usually people who, perhaps, came from a more affluent background didn't (and still don't in my experience) want us (the majority) to aspire to our goals. They (not the teachers, but those in power) want us to be their yes people. They don't want us to be able to question their motives or their answers.

But when you ''slap'' them in the face with their realistic realism, they certainly do not know what has hit them! We do. Its strength and determination. We know how to survive when the going gets tough...  ''When the going gets tough, the tough get ready''...The tough, does indeed, get going!

For any of the nay sayers who tell you that you can't follow your dreams, turn Billy up. Sing it loud and sing it proud: ''I'm gonna put this dream in motion, never let nothing stand in my way..!'' 

Love,

A Real Northern Hermia x

                                            image by: Tntisland dot com

Spooning!

I know what you're thinking, and I love it, but I am literally talking about spoons. Like metal spoons. Of course there is such a thing as 'spooner' too. Some of those with long-term illnesses describe themselves as this, and use spoons as a way of describing how they are feeling, and or their energy levels. So, for example, they may say "I haven't many spoons today". 

But anyway , I digress. I'm talking actual spoons. The metal kind. Or forks. Those too. Oh and texture! 

Is it just me that can't eat off those really cheap type of spoons? You know the kind I mean.. where you can get a packet of four for 50 (probably a £1 now with inflation). They feel weird in my mouth. Like they make me gag and I can imagine all of the other people having eaten using the same utensil. It's weird, because if you gave me a really thick spoon (or fork) to eat with, I wouldn't have those thoughts. And the thing is, I'm not posh. I don't require diamante spoons or diamond handles and what not. I'm a simple person, ok, not simple. I'm certainly not easy (who is?), but when it comes to possessions and things that I own, I don't own anything of worth. I'm not interested at all in material wealth (in fact someone I was on a date with once, didn't like that I was an actor as money meant a lot to them. That date didn't go any further!) but when it comes to putting a spoon into my mouth, it needs fo be a decent thickness and not feel tinny. And of course, it not making me want to feel sick too, that's always a winner. The only other thing I'm not keen on, texture -wise, is plastercine... that started when I was 4 years old in reception class, but that's for another time. Spoons and plastercine. What does that say? Don't answer that! 

Until next time,

A Real Northern Hermia x

#actor #northern #uk #spooning #spoon #fun #life #hermia #midsummernightsdream #quirky

Montenegro Calling!

And, no, this isn't about Eurovision! 

From time to time..ok who (whom sounds too up it's self) am I kidding? Let's just say, regularly. Yep, that's it. I regularly have such random dreams... many are like film sets, though last night's was more like a comedy sketch! 

One of my close friends had gone to Montenegro by himself. I didn't know this until another close friend of mine, went too and also didn't tell me. I only found out after seeing photos, on her socials, of her floating in the sea in a large inflatable. 

I managed to get a cheap flight, and flew over there, by which time, my male close friend had flown home but my female friend had stayed (she is renowned for delaying her flights back when she is away...mind you, I don't blame her!). I joined her and we had such random times..including her saying, ''It's a pity so and so is married'' ( a lovely colleague). I was shocked and replied, ''Oh my God. I didn't know you fancied him!''. Her, ''Oh no. I just fancy a snog''! See, random!

On our return journey on the bus to the airport, another friend of mine was on his way home after also being in Montenegro! It's strange as neither he or my female friend a tan. It was me that was really bronzed! Hilarious for those who know me and refer to me as Casper (at least it's a friendly ghost. Could be worse!). 

The following week, I was stood outside The Lowry Theatre in Salford and Jack P Shepherd (yes, David in Corrie) came running out to greet me. He had a part time job there but had just returned from, yep you guessed it, Montenegro! His tan was dark..but then I saw it! A gooey patch at the top of his leg. It looked like treacle, but it smelt like gravy! You could actually peel it off!

A friend of mine says that it means that what is on the surface isn't real so to be aware when meeting new people. And that the people I know and love are genuine no matter what their outward persona... 

But I am choosing to believe that Montenegro is calling! 

Greetings wherever you are are,

A Real Northern Hermia x

Take Me For a Spin!

A spin. Verb-Turn or cause to turn or whirl around quickly. Noun- a brief trip in a vehicle for pleasure. Quick or brief. I am pretty sure that seven months shouldn't follow either of those words?! I mean, I love the waltzer because it spins quickly, but I love it because it doesn't last for long! And some people class their relationship as long term even if they have only been with the other person for six months!! Not exactly a spin, would you say? Then again, the U-haul thing can be common in the gay world! There's a saying  that I always loved..'here's me not able to find a matching sock, but there is she able to find her 'true match' every two months'! (sic).

If I was an alien, imagine that they definiately exist, I reckon I'd be too afraid to visit planet earth, that's for sure! Imagine looking down from above to see us all scurrying about. Scurrying..that could be another word for spin, could it? 

The other day, I recorded an audition for an animation about a dinosaur family. It was meant to be funny and ridiculous but to be honest, it wasn't that far fetched! Well, I don't think anyway. Ok, apart from the physical differences like I am not a 121 foot Patagotitan, I am a (real) Northern Hermia (short), but apart from that...! Mind you there are drawings of them by the sea, so maybe I am not that different after all! I am still bobbing around on the bottom (top) of the beautiful briny sea..the instability, housing wise, is still thus BUT my Dad has finally had the operation he had been waiting for for two years and my Father in Law no longer needs a heart operation because, apparently it has returned to normal! So that's two things.. will the third be a permanent home? And when will that come? 

Until then, 'I'm spinning around, move out of my way..'

Credit: bilimseldunya

Hello Hayley, I'm Hayley!

Yep, this is me, meeting myself coming backwards. Everything is like buses at the moment. No rest for the wicked, but I’m not complaining…yet!

A Real Northern Hermia juggling writing, other work, line learning, social things (yay, the world is opening up!), and house sorting! Mind you, my Nanna always said that me chasing my tail would keep me out of trouble. Her words, ‘’ Be careful. If you think, your mind may explode!’’ She was a cheeky one. Very strong and independent. A lady of many talents and she was super intelligent too. I just know that had she been born into my generation instead of hers, she would have had a big career! You should have seen her doing arithmetic in her 90s! I was always in awe. Maths isn’t my thing! She could even do DIY. At 4 foot 11, we used to find her balanced on one leg painting the ceiling (when she was younger) and balanced on a stool at the age of 92, taking her net curtains down as she decided that they needed a wash. She even used to sit with her legs bent to her side on the couch like a 93 year old teenager! Something I have inherited from her…no, I’m not 93, but I sit like that even in bed! My other half thinks that my body is strange and bendy! Mind you, the chiro did tell me that my right leg is shorter than my left…he showed me a photo he had taken too! So perhaps, I am 5 foot 2 but only on my left side…and 5 foot on my right! So maybe she is right..my body is strange…and perhaps lopsided? Ha ha.

Until next time,

 
A Real Northern Hermia x

It's One Big Trip, Maaaaan!

I’m so physically exhausted with house sorting ready to move that you would have thought that my brain would be too exhausted to dream, but no!

Last night’s dream involved puppies (a sandy coloured female and two black and white, in case you are interested) and a round light which looked like my ring light, but wasn’t, flashing every time the house phone rang. Asda had taken over from EE and the Wi-Fi signal boosters were no longer going to be offered but customers still had to pay the same rate. Anyway, I digress.  I seemed to be living at my parent’s (family home) but not as I know it, and spent a lot of time in the bathroom cleaning the tiny puppies. Apparently I was working as some kind of dog sitter. My current partner was with me helping to clean them. Although she seemed to think that Timotei shampoo was appropriate?? Ha ha (in reality she is a huge dog lover by the way so would never do this). I seemed to be my adult self, but my adult brother had reverted to his teenage self and had a knack for walking into the bathroom without knocking. Apparently, Mum had gone out to a union meeting and now some aliens had invaded the picket line! I mean seriously, where does my brain go?!

Is it just me or have people become moanier lately? Or maybe I am being moany myself, moaning about them being moany?! Honestly, people trying to help those who may need it, and others outside of the equation, moaning. Well as one of my favourite roles, Lisa, in Up the Bunting, would say, ‘’let it go. Let it go’’!

As I type this, for some reason I have the song, ‘’Happy’’, spinning around my mind. I haven’t listened to it or heard it for a long time. Physically, you’ll still find me under packing boxes, but as for my brain, I couldn’t tell you!

Until next time!

Love,

A Real Northern Hermia. x

P.S. Just in case you were wondering, yes, I did make that gluten free fried chicken! :) 

Here is my gluten free fried chicken! :) 

How my dream seemed!