Oh, Marlene..

Marlene Dietrich said, 'I do not think we have a right to happiness. If happiness happens, say thanks'. As much as I love you, I totally disagree, sorry Marlene! 

We all deserve happiness, don't we? We weren't just put on this earth to work ourselves to death, ensuring large profits for fat cats who pay lip service when it comes to caring about our welfare!

As I write this I hear Maggie Thatcher's voice booming out with her ''children who need to be taught traditional moral values are being taught they have an inalienable right to be gay''. You were right in one thing, Thatcher, children were being ''cheated of a sound start in life- yes cheated''. You made sure of that with your homophobic Section 28. You made sure that I was a confused teenager and that this confusion went into my 20s...even late 20s... You made sure that I was so confused at not being interested in boys when the other kids would talk about who they had kissed and who they fancied. You made me hide when the first lesbian kiss was shown on TV when I was 15... Hide because I liked it and I felt shy about liking it and I didn't want my parents or friends to know, because what was this life? Was it even an ''option''? I didn't know. I couldn't comprehend it. I knew I was different to most, which is probably why I was bullied throughout school. No one talked about the prospect of gay relationships. Sex education focussed on not getting pregnant and not catching aids (the less said about the awful aids advert with the big rock, the better!) and STIs. It didn't tell us that we had the right to find true love and that love is love no matter what. 

The light didn't ping for me until I was 28, and by that time I had gone down society's expected norm and got married to a man...even though I knew, when I was walking down the aisle (and in the run up), that it wasn't right. But why wasn't it right? I continued to cause arguments just so that he would sleep in another bed to me. I didn't want to be touched by him in any way. I didn't know why. I just knew that I didn't want sex with him or even affection.  Just 6 months to a year later, I developed a crush, and although nothing happened, I am ever so grateful to her, and it was a genuine lightbulb moment. Ah-ha! That is what it is! Ok, so what to do now? I had no clue. Yes, we had the internet but it isn't like it is now (I mean Section 28 was only repealed in 2003..and we still saw headlines of the likes of ''gay judge..'' like his sexuality had anything to do with his job!). I found a site called, 'Gaydar Girls', just to chat to other women and I ordered three dvds- Sugar Rush (a whole series set in Brighton about a lesbian), Imagine Me and You, and Kissing Jessica Stein. I quickly had two dates with women lined up. I knew that I preferred older but one of them was younger and convinced me to meet her. By this time I was almost 30 and she turned out to have lied about her age and was only 24. We had a nice evening out but I told her that it wouldn't work. The day after, I had a date with a human rights lawyer; I will call her Diane for the purposes of this blog, who was 11 years older. The first date was in The Shakespeare's Head in Soho, not far from where I was working. It seemed to go very well. We agreed on a second date- a sushi restaurant in Hampstead, apparently not far from where Diane lived. This date was the total opposite of the first. She cried on my shoulder about a woman she was in love with but who was married to a man and the woman loved her but she wasn't sure what the future held etc. Then she spoke about money a lot. And for someone who was a human rights lawyer it jarred! Especially when she pointed out her little blue car later and then said, ''I have another one at home. It's a (can't remember, but a posh one)... but I don't drive it often as people stare.'' I knew then that she wasn't for me, and just add that I clearly wasn't for her as not long after the woman she was crying over, let’s call her Kate, left her husband and moved in with Diane and her daughter. 

But how did I fit into this gay and lesbian world..? When I went to a gay bar or two with one of my good (but straight) friends, I just didn't feel like I fitted. It smelled and I didn't look anything like the women in there... I joined another couple of dating sites and met a woman who became my first girlfriend. Realising you are gay later in life, for me, was like being a teenager again and I guess that I got caught up in it all that I ignored all of the red flags and ended up in a relationship with a bully- a narcissist who also became physically violent, regularly, from about 12 months in. The verbal stuff started about 6 months in. It took me till 2012 to get out of that house and that relationship. London is an expensive place and I just didn't have enough money for a month's rent in advance plus a deposit...then I got a particular job, which I say saved my life, as her violence had continued to get worse, as my first pay packet enabled me to move and rent a room in a woman's flat- even if it did take all of my pay!

I escaped that relationship largely unscathed- or so I thought, anyway. Until about a year later, having moved back up north six months after leaving her- due to my landlady turning the flat into a Chinese warehouse (that's another story!), when I had, what I later realised, was a panic attack in the middle of Home Sense in The Arndale. 

I had a lot of interest from women but I preferred to be alone for a while. I have never been one of those who have to be with someone as lovely as it is when you are with someone who truly cares. Later, I began a relationship with a friend (we had shared a kiss a few years earlier but neither of us thought the other was interested- again women and not wanting to speak up. That is another story) and by this time it was a long distance relationship due to her still being in London and then moving back to Ireland, due to her long term illness. It didn't last long as due to her debilitating illness and disability, she didn't feel she could commit to a relationship now that she couldn't really travel any more. It's all good though, after a brief fall out because she chose to email me instead of speaking to me when I had only just come back from spending a week with her, we are friends these days, once again. After this, I chose to have another break from women and dating. Then I ''saw'' someone for a few months but it was never proper, before beginning on the dating apps and meeting a myriad of strange (not in a good way) women, including one who was a scary stalker.. The whole of that year was like a comedy show. Some of the things that I could write here (another time!) would make you wonder if it was fiction! Trust me, it's all true and for an actor and a creative, it's excellent material! Dating has never been easy, of course it hasn't. I'm sure that many would agree. And now I find myself in another difficult situation, and for once in my life I am following my heart and allowing it to guide me on my next journey to happiness and contentment. I am putting myself first. So yeah, Marlene, I am afraid that I do disagree. We all have a right to experience happiness, for as long as it lasts, which we all hope will be forever. 

So there you have it. Not as light-hearted as usual, but I hope just as intriguing! 

Love a Real Northern Hermia x

And, it's GOLD!

Getting naked, running the shower, dashing to the boiler to reboot it 6 times and then sprinting back to grab the two minutes of hot water it is kind enough to offer, is definitely an Olympic sport! Put it this way, I would have won GB at least 10 medals by now! I think my patience is medal-worthy too, the amount of times I have waited in, only for the British Gas engineer not to turn up. No message, no call..nothing. I will stick my neck out and say that if anyone other than work people was so unreliable, they would never work!

My sister got a puppy last week as her two youngest have begged her for two years. He is so cute and he fits into a mug (see below)! Cue the broodiness!

Right off I go to write the script for a weekly show before treading the boards and being back in rehearsal in person..yep, that’s right, IN PERSON! But before I go, it's a photo finish...aaaand it's GOLD for our Hermia!

Until next time!

Love A Real Northern Hermia x

A Midsummer Letch!

 A few days back I thought that I would pop for a breather among the grass and trees. Just soak in a bit of peace among the chaos of moving house. I was looking forward to listening to the birds (the feathered kind by the way) in the sunshine. Could I do that? No. Enter Mr Letch. ‘’Hello darling. Hello? Hello? Are you here to see me?’’, Letchy repeated over and over. I nearly left the little park, but then I thought, no, why should I? I opened my mouth and asked him to leave me alone. I do get absolutely sick of letchy men! And before some of you say, ‘not every man’, of course not every man but in normal pre pandemic times, there hasn’t been a day when I haven’t endured, letchy harassment and my female identifying friends say the same. I cannot remember a time that I haven’t experienced anxiety while walking home after dark, wherever I was living at the time. We, as women, were and are preconditioned to almost accept that we are not safe walking around alone, from being young girls and teenagers. I don’t know a single woman who doesn’t hold their keys in their knuckles while walking home in the evening. Even at 4pm in winter! We are over half of the population, and yet this has and is allowed to continue.

I have been kerb crawled, followed, surrounded by groups of men while walking to my bus stop at 5pm, had my boobs grabbed by randoms who just think that it is their right. I have been sexually assaulted by someone in a position of power when I was 20. I have even been beaten up and left with a broken nose because I wasn’t interested in accepting a man’s advances. A man who I would find sitting on my bed in the shared house that I was living in at the time. A man who would just walk into my room, a man who would not stop trying to touch me wherever in the house we happened to be. The latter did go to court, and I found out from someone else that a colleague of his had ripped this man’s beard off because they were sick of his lecherous ways towards their female colleagues. I have to admit to being slightly pleased about that news. Violence isn’t right, but this man had been getting away with horrendous behaviour for too long. I was 22.  And this is just a short list of what I have experienced. Anyway, I digress. Why was this allowed to happen in the first place? Why are we as a society allowing this to continue?

So there you have it. A serious blog from me this time. Hope you won’t bee too disappointed that I haven’t written in my usual tongue in cheek style!  Right, I am off to get some quotes from removal companies, and yes, I am still surrounded by boxes. How is it that two women without children, have so much stuff?!

Until next time,

A Real Northern Hermia x

It's Oh So Glamorous daaaahlings!

Life is a rollercoaster just gotta ride it..yep you read correctly, I did just quote Ronan Keating!

I am halfway through a busy week…in fact I just had 45 minutes notice to film an audition and upload! Thank goodness it was for a bit of a rough and ready type of character and my unwashed hair added to it..I was able to pile it on top of my head and wear an old jumper to add to the skankiness! I just radiated glamour (scroll down for pic)!

I have been exhausted for the last week or so. I’m sure it is because we are still looking for somewhere to live, but we didn’t get locked inside any more houses though so that’s a plus! On top of this, I have been juggling various jobs, reading scripts and chasing someone who should have paid me a couple of weeks ago. Oh and finally, after 6 months, I got my hair cut!

I had my Covid jab just over a week ago and I haven’t grown a third arm! I did have trouble walking and standing from three hours after and woke in the early hours with incredible back pain. I was so sore that I couldn’t lie down. Remember to add your experiences to the ‘yellow card’. You just scan the link on the leaflet they give you.

A good few weeks back I picked up my celebrant training, so in a few weeks I shall be running free with it. Definitely a case of art emulating life, isn’t it!

The podcast that I mentioned in my first blog went out a few days ago. Listening to other women recounting their experiences of being abused by someone in a position of power, made me feel a bit numb. I knew someone who had experienced exactly the same things, even if I hadn’t myself. It’s a hard listen but I do believe an important one. It’s on The 98% website, if you can manage it. This leads me on to last week’s Corrie. If you didn’t see the episodes based around Sophie Lancaster, do catch up. Amazing writing by Ian Kershaw (Kersh), excellent acting and direction from all involved. Showing how people are targeted for looking ‘’different’’.

Lastly, remember those baby dinosaurs I mentioned last week? I have a meeting about them this week. See, I told you, it is oh so glamourous daaaahlings!

Right, I’m off. Two jobs done and I’m off to the studio now.

See you soon!

A Real Northern Hermia x

A Real Northern Hermia, Keeping up the Spunkiness!

Well here we are, my first ever blog! I'm not sure if this will work out, but I thought someone somewhere may be interested in hearing about a real Hermia..yes, I do mean from A Midsummer Night's Dream.. Myself and a friend who is also petite and the same height as myself, have always used the slogan for our work..'though she be but little she is fierce'..so this is me, a Northern woman living in the North West, juggling various jobs, responsibilties and trying to push her career forward, while keeping up with her spunkiness. 

Recently I heard of a callout for stories about being abused by someone in a position of power, in my industry..I wrestled with this..I was 20 when someone took advantage of me, and though I had told some people over the years, and spoke about it publically when the #metoo movement kicked off, I hadn't fully revisited that ''event'' since. By revisited, I mean every single detail, the day, the time, and exactly what he did, the fact he encroached on my work two days later, coming into a room, via the only exit out of that room, and begging me not to tell the police. It took me two weeks to prepare myself, and though I had, by this time, missed the deadline, I emailed every single detail over to the organisation. I felt fine and ready to do this, but afterwards, I was sort of floating, a bit like an outer body experience? I was chuffed that I had done it, but I felt..I don't know..weird...not like myself. I guess, I could prepare myself as much as I wanted, but that writing each little detail out wasn't as ''easy'' as telling what the short version had become. That version had 20 years to get used to itself. But it's done, I offered to voice my own ''story'' too, and I have allowed myself to be proud of me. 

Love,

a Real Northern Hermia